Age Difference

Now that I’m considering dating again I’m stuck in the strange world that all children of older parents are in. What age range am I looking at? 

I was “allowed” to date at 14. By 16 I knew anyone I wanted to date or could hold a conversation with would go to jail if we dated, so I put my love life on hold until I was 18. It was then I discovered unless the guy 10 years my senior had age appropriate parents who spent time with him, well, we had little in common. So eventually I’m 23 they’re in their 40’s and it’s still a struggle to find common ground because they think their 20. 

I’m divorced now and all I really know is no matter how reprehensible my parents can be, at 73 and almost 69, they are the best conversationalist (when they choose to be) I’ve ever met. They are well versed with what’s going on in the world, what has gone on in the past, and rather up on pop culture. 

All of these things I would want in a partner because honestly, if you can’t just have fun talking about nothing, then everything else is pointless. 

Let’s get very real here. Sex is awesome or sometimes fine but why bother building a relationship on it when you know that it’s also boring, ill timed, flawed in 100 ways by human error or outside sources? While efficient for procreation, the occasional caloric burn, or relaxant, it’s not what really makes a relationship. This is where being able to connect mentally and emotionally comes in.

My problem is that it’s nearly impossible to connect mentally to someone who can’t fathom that my grandpa was born in 1902, that I both met and remember him, and when I use a tiny word like “demise” I am not using big word. 

Is this a geographical problem? Is this an age gap issue? Should I now consider dating men that are 60-90ish? If it’s location, how do big girls fair in other parts of the country? I’m right in the middle of this one and finding second date material is harder than panning for gold.

Any advice for a woman ready to give it another try? I still think dating sucks.

How to save a life.

1. Listen without judgement.

2. Be kind, have compassion.

3. You don’t know anything about it so shut up.

4. Really, I mean it. The last thing they need is an ultimatum or the fear that you too will abandon them.

5. Offer real help. Condolences and prayers only go so far when someone is going under for what might be the third time. Knowing what resources are in your area and the number of any warm lines IS helping.

6. Know these numbers:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)

Rainn.org (rape, abuse, & incest national network) 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)

The Trevor Project for LBGTPQ youth  866-488-7386

unitedway.org Provides many services and resources for free. Call 211

7. Take as much time as it takes. It very well could be you feeling that low someday. Would you want the person you reached out for to be in a hurry?

8. If at any time your friend makes it clear they have immediate plans to end their life, take it seriously. Try to get them to voluntarily admit themselves to a hospital or dial 911. 

No one has to be alone. You are worth more than you could ever know. 

Take it from someone who is still fighting, had I punched my own ticket every time I didn’t think I would see the sun I would’ve missed SO many wonderful things.

The births of 7 kids between family and friends. Some I haven’t even gotten to meet yet because of distance but I hope to someday.

Yeah, there’s been bad and I’ve been neck deep in a ton of bad for the last four years BUT I have faith. I have faith in a lot of things. You don’t have to go for a big guy in the sky you just have to have faith that YOU can survive. You will, if you always reach for help.