Every woman who has yet to have kids or may not want them has been in this little scene: Your BFF since you could sit up in the sandbox is having a baby and you may not have to plan the whole ordeal but you bet your kneecaps your butt had better show up unless you are actually at death’s door. (You KNOW she is an emotional wreck and WILL NOT hesitate to kneecap you, don’t even lie to yourself!) Well as always “someone” (the grandma to be or friends that have gone before and want to show off their parenting knowledge.) just can’t resist breaking out a hand crafted, blessed by the Gods, soon to hold part of the child’s umbilical cord, advice for the mom to be book. (This is where every non parent would happily gut themselves with the cake knife.)
The book is passed in a circle and each person, young and old is to give their best advice on rearing the child. After a few of these here is my stock answer. Go ahead and use it. I don’t mind. What else are women like us supposed to say? So here goes:
“Don’t worry about making mistakes or messing up your child because you will. If you didn’t that would mean that not only did you make a perfect person but everyone around your child is perfect. Since there are no perfect people in this world, aim for doing as little damage as possible, it makes the therapy cheaper, and always be there with an open heart and mind.” -Meredith Flenner
If I feel generous I add my P.S. Always carry a small pocket knife.
I swear after “momma” & “daddy” it’s “Can you open this?” Plus you can make apple slices on the go for WAY less than prepackaged.