Acute respiratory failure

So this is the start of my 3rd day in the hospital and even though I lucked into some sleep shades and some humor about this I am still finding it hard to laugh about it all. I have been diagnosed with Acute Respiratory Failure not because I could be sick or something but because the trees bloomed and leaves happened…… Now tell me again how I just stop Spring from happening……
As I sit now I am on 3 liters of o2 and am attached to the wall via plastic tubes and my face. I am scared. I am very tired. Most of all I am…,, well I was going to wax spiritual but the room took a huge spin so ….. dizzy is what I am most of all right now.
Kidding aside I am wondering about life after death and if heaven and hell do exist where not on earth am I going? I hope there is a Heaven and I hope my family, old friends and cats are there above all then I hope to join them one day but I really was not thinking this soon……
I guess it could be though for any of us at any time….
I am freaked out needless to say and maybe even needlessly but I love my life now and regret living so much of it wishing I were never born. I love my family and another grand baby is on the way. My hubby is very supportive even when I am completely out of my mind which is often. I want to grow old for the first time in my life like I want to be at the wedding of my grand baby or the birth of a Great Grand Baby or GGB for short. I want it all and it’s more than just now growing up its a desire to have my slice of the pie too. I hate that I have missed soooooooo much. Too much really with all my disabilities and being sick. I want a life. One the is both grand and would be well hated by the WBC! It’s a matter of stopping my panic about death this moment in time that stops me from living right now. That being said as soon as I get well (let’s hope that’s how this goes) I am on it. No GB will go un snuggled or little cousin missed I will love and live harder than ever. I have to. My life depends on it!

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Grand kids, fibro, and asthma…. Oh my!

Well my beautiful step-daughters baby shower is just around the corner and its a girl!!!! She is naming her Arabella Rose and not a one of us can wait for her to arrive. You can see on the 3D ultrasound that she already looks like her momma not that her dad is anything to spit at either. There is no way 2 people that good looking aren’t going to make cute. The baby already has her lips so the preschool boys are just gonna fall at her feet God help us all. LOL

My asthma and fibro have chosen to flair at the same flipping time making things a touch hellish and ER trips a must. But that being said I have not missed buying one pink or lavender thing for this baby shower and refuse to rest until I am certain the place looks like we threw pepto everywhere and some how made it baby themed. Her dad and I may have our fights but she still feels VERY MUCH like she is my kid too and that this is my grandchild as well so I will not skip a beat. She didn’t go to prom or anything so this is going to be her big deal party come hell or high water! Her bio mom and I are more than in it to win it on this one. I was talking details with her from my hospital bed last night. Perfection will exist and it will be this party! LOL

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