I’m Baaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG people!!!!!! I have been gone for soooooooooo long you would think I just fell off the planet. Ok so tons has happened and for now I am just tossing out a quick overview to catch you all up and then I will (hopefully) blog more later.
Lets see… First off I survived the Joplin tornado but our way of life did not. However M proposed to me seconds after finding my parents alive and we were married on sept 1st 2012. He isn’t as kind as he once was but he takes ok care of me and I adore his kids and our grand kids.
Mom had a heart attack the day after the May 22nd 2011 storm and is now completely bed ridden. My fibro is nuts and now Natalie has it too more to come on that for sure

Guid-oh-no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had hoped the rumors weren’t true. It could have just been some bad clams, right? After all surely no one that makes their living drinking, whoring, and fist pumpin’ would do this to themselves or another (possible?) human being?  Would they?

Well you bet your sweet hair poof they would! Snookie is preggo and NOT about to leggo her preggo anytime soon. Rather she has gotten engaged to the lil  guido or guidette’s daddy.

What a drunken irresponsible train wreck. She admits her first thought on finding out was “Oh shit! I’ve been drinking!” Having been in vegas and all at the time she act like Vegas = Drunk and it doesn’t have to.

Now I am no prude by any stretch. My twenties are a blur and my sex partners are hazy too but I TRIED ABOVE AND BEYOND TO NOT GET KNOCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s really easy to not get pregnant, I know things can happen but if your career depends on it maybe you should try really hard to stay tenant free.

Now to address what really gets my goat. She is an idiot, getting ready to raise a baby. Can we please start passing out IQ tests before letting people have kids? It would be easier on the system if we did.

I vote we relax some adoption laws in this country so gays and singles and even lowish income can adopt in every state and if you really want the Gov in my uterus then make laws about who can spawn. NOT biased on religion  or DNA but on sheer IQ alone. Stupid people make poor parents.

Ok so I don,t really mean it I am just sick of stupid people making babies while I can’t have one. But I do stand by the stupid people people make poor parents part.

funny

I want to be on the Chelsea lately round table so badly I can taste it. The question is am I funny enough to hold my own with the likes of Brad Wollack, Josh Wolf, Heather McDonald, Ross Mathews, Guy Branum, Whitney Cummings and Chelsea herself!  I am just a pain in the ass tweeter and blogger with no life and a smart mouth. Do I dare dream so big? Really what are the odds (if you know please comment) that I will write some amazing book, become famous, and be funny enough to be on the round table?

I know I would be funnier than James Van Prague was but he is a friend of the group and a psychic not a stand-up so let’s not judge too harshly. HOWEVER could I be as funny as say Diablo Cody who rocked just out of sheer cuteness and sharp wit if nothing else. I would hope to be as funny as alum Jen Kirkman but I am afraid the meds are working too well for that. I am just not as neurotic as I once was and I am afraid the funny side of me is suffering because of it. (I guess that still makes me neurotic!)

Leave Bristol be…

Ok I am a Dem more or less (more than less really) and I enjoy all of the fun had at the cost of Sarah Palin but people let go of  her kid.

Meghan McCain just slammed her for forgetting to mail in her ballot, the whole country can’t wait to see her crumble on DWTS, and she will always be the one that got knocked up. Damn people give a woman a break. So she had a baby young, she sure isn’t the first nor will she be the last.

Her dancing is sketchy but is it supposed to be spot on? NO she is a normal woman NOT a show monkey (no matter what costume she wore.) and wasn’t trained as a dancer which is the point of the show.

Now about the voting thing. YES she should have sent it in but who out in internet land hasn’t forgotten to do something. Even something REALLY important. Damn people give the woman a break she is out there busting her butt to make a living for her kid AND entertain the masses on a TV while holding her head up as a single momma.

When even I have to give her credit for a job well done maybe the masses should too.

Mel Gibson’s OUTRAGEOUSLY Racist Rant

Well since 2006 we’ve known Mel Gibson hates Jews, and likes to say “Sugar-tits” Lots crazy but, after a while, we filed it under “shit happens”

Just as he was getting parts again, just as we as a Nation had almost forgotten, just as we were, dare I even say,  making a joke about it (see Ricky Gervais at The 67th Golden Globes)….BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mel explodes like an I.E.D. full of F-bombs, N-bombs, rape, and hatred for fake tits and tight clothing.

In his “rant”, he accused his poor girlfriend/mother of his child of having fake boobs. How can he not tell?

He swears she lied to him and said they were real, but he swears they are not real and she swears they are real and he goes back to being “unsure” about the “real” state of her breasts. He either  has the biggest cock in the world and never got near them while making the kid or was so happy to even see tits that the feel was lost on him completely.

Next he complained her clothes were so tight you could see her “pussy” from behind. As a woman I would like to point out that if it’s tight enough what you can see from behind looks a lot like what a Barbie doll might look like nude. Smooth as can be and hardly indecent.

Either way I feel bad for the poor kid. Holy shit balls his dad is fucking mad and God help us all should he try for lil’ Adolf #2.

Now to be fair, there is a chance the kid’s cool but lets not roll those dice again okay? Not until his DNA gets a little scrubbing and a shit-ton of help from Dr. Drew.

Now here’s my question… How many chances does one guy get?

Personally I am finished with him. Unless It’s for comedic purposes I have no reason to give a shit about his career. Therefore… box-office wise? Nope, not gonna happen dude. Sorry but I wouldn’t want to risk getting raped by a pack of you while out seeing your next flick, should one ever be made.

Maybe he and Lohan can do each others nails and whine about how it’s “not fair” while he calls her sugar-tits and she tells him what pussy really looks like from behind. Or….. Maybe he could retire.

Move to Boca….Oh wait there are Jews there…um…. Get a little place in Texas maybe? His positive outlook on life fits…. Nope packs of N****** in the South for sure….. that takes out most of the US and most countries……. Hmm…..Mars perhaps? He could shoot another Mad Max there. Do Martians have fake tits or wear clothes? Do they come in different colors? Would he try to takeover the world Hitler/The Day The Earth Stood Still style if sent to another planet?

All I know for sure is this: Mel Gibson, you are a huge asshole. Don’t believe me take a listen for yourself.

Pink is the New Blog | Everybody’s Business Is My Business » Blog Archive » Listen: Mel Gibson’s OUTRAGEOUSLY Racist Rant.