My mother has been bedridden for almost 5yrs. Though I’ve spent decades of my life in therapy trying to find a way to have a healthy relationship with my parents over the last few years It has become clear that’s impossible.
My father has an abscess between his butt cheeks. I haven’t seen it but it’s apparently the size of a potato. It’s bleeding and it’s probably caused by the fact that he quit showering regularly years ago and refuses help.
Both are unstable people who have a lot of health concerns yet neither are on medication for any of these things. I’ve been trying to get my father to any Dr for 2 weeks now but he just threatens my physical, financial, emotional, security along with what little way of life I have left. I can’t be homeless and use my insulin or c-pap.
He hits my mother and I but she covers for him. I recently caught a glimpse of her photographing injuries he caused her only to hear that the family had been told that I had done it. Only in the last 2yrs did they really say what they felt about me and to put it mildly, if I were as crazy as they insist I would either be dead or, since she insists I’ve been homicidal from the moment of my birth, I would be waiting for the clock to strike 12.
If you ask them, to hear my voice is me brutalizing them. I won’t be quite though. They both desperately need medical attention. Despite the fact that they have repeatedly called me every crass or demeaning thing you could think of and not a day goes by without a reminder that they hate me and never should have had me, I don’t want them to die. Almost even worse, I still love them.
They didn’t want a kid, let alone an imperfect one but I’m way more often than not, generally glad to exist. I did however quite therapy. At least for the time being. It makes my father dangerously paranoid that I might talk about him or something and I haven’t been able to find a therapist that supports my decision to do my best to remove myself from their lives.
I don’t know how to handle this. I can barely leave my own room for fear of injury and I can’t find help because it’s always the two of them against one.
I want them to have happy lives too but I am not sure I’ve ever seen them happy. I don’t know what that means for them.